Thursday, April 28, 2011

A List.

When I was young, I had a list. A wish list, of what my future husband would be like. It went a little something like this:

In case that scan was hard for you to read, or if you are crying tears of embarrassment for me, I'll sum up what it said. 

Tall. Dark. And Handsome.

Oh, and he called me "Goddess Aphrodite of love" but I didn't know how to spell Aphrodite, so it came out "Affridites".

The purpose of exposing this amusing piece of my past, is to illustrate a point. We ALL had a list. Sure, you may not have written it down, but you had one. You had a type of person you wanted to be with. Somewhere along the lines you figured out the difference between preferences and principles. Mom sat down with you on your bed while you blushed and shared with her your deepest, "sercretest" hopes for the future love of your life, and she smiled and said "It is wonderful you have an idea of the type of person you want to marry someday, but I hope you will remember that tall dark and handsome is meaningless if he is an unkind, or unloving man."

We all came to that place, where we learned, that buying us pearls, playing golf  or strolling us down the streets of Paris would not make us happy if those pearls came from a man who did not really understand kindness and compassion, if golf was more important than time with his family, and a walk anywhere in the world left you groping for something to talk about.

So the list evolved. It changed into something like this:

"I love his great kindness. I love the compassion he shows for others. I love how generous he is, I love that he is always there for his family first. He is good and kind to his mom and sister, and respects his dad. He looks only at the good in people rather than criticizing. He is patient with me, and treats me with such tender love. He is always eager to do things for me. He is kind to everyone he meets. He is sweet to children and loves to play. His heart goes out to those less fortunate and he is eager to aid in any way he can. He is always striving to become a better man."

This was an exert taken from one of my journals, I wrote this about a wonderful man who was courting me at the time. And then I married him. It was all true, and remains so to this day. No where in that journal entry do I talk about how handsome, funny, or classy he is. In my eyes, he is all of those things too, but they weren't important to me when I was thinking about marrying him. They were bonuses, but not worth really weighing into my decision to marry. I made a good decision based on this new list. It was not the tall dark and handsome list of my childhood, it was something much greater. It was a description, of a real man. A good man. A man I loved with all my heart and soul, a man I knew without a doubt I would love for all of eternity. 

But love is a miraculous thing. It never stops moving. It never stops changing. It never stops growing. And I find myself once again looking at love with the same curious, dreamy, fascination I held as a young girl creating a fairy tale romance out of chocolate and pearls. Only this time, I find myself asking a question of my love, over and over every day....

"How can I help you become that better man I watched you strive to be as we courted?"

 How can my love, my presence in his life inspire him, motivate him and encourage him into the best version of himself? As I ask this question something amazing happens, simultaneously I begin change myself. And in a most magical way, as he grows into the best version of himself, I become a better woman. Day by day I begin to see, that I would have no chance of becoming who God intends me to be without the influence of this very man in my life. It had to be him. It had to be him, because I chose him. I chose him for his goodness, his kindness, and his desire to transcend into something greater. And for this same purpose he chose me. And we continue to choose each other every day. And will do so, for all eternity.

There is a dream on earth
that love falls into place
without a warning
or a care
left to the hands of fate.

How lovely it must be
that wild glow to share,
its mystery enfolding us
concealing every care.

Those eyes.
Those lips.
The longing.
The dark
impassioned bliss,
who could doubt 
the lasting,
of such a love as this?

Beware of love that falls
from sky,
like pouring rain.
It comes in mighty torrents
but fast dries up again.

The clouds all blow away
and leave the ground as dust.
All your heart once knew
was the primal cry of lust

For love distills most softly
like a still small voice
and whispers truth within us:
"Love, love is a choice".

Of the millions on this earth
over lands, and oceans blue
it could not be another
for I, 
My Love 
chose you!

Love is an act of will. Love is a choice. Love is to wake up every morning and say in your heart "I will love my husband  today. I will help him to become the best version of himself." Love is to say "I will love you even when you are feeling unlovable." Love is to say "I will love you through all the ups and downs of this life". Love is to say "I will always, choose you."


  1. Awwwwe! I remember those days! You two are so sweet together!

  2. So sweet and so very true! I only had a few minutes to spend reading your posts, but I enjoyed every one of them that I did get to read! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on my blog.


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