Little White Coat

By Heidi Nickerson

August 14, 2012

For another lost little one.

So soft and white

Lined with satin bows

A little hood with bear ears

Hanging sweetly in the boutique.

I touch the velvety fluff

Pull it off the shelf,

And into my eager arms.

As I clutch it to my chest

The world around me fades,

I no longer stand in the little shop,

I am outside.

And I can see her

A perfect little girl

Sunlight dancing off her golden curls

Toddling toward me in fall leaves

Now she’s

Tripping over her first snow

The wind kissing her cheeks,

Turning them bright pink.

And oh!

The giggles!

 As she

Splashes

Through showers of spring

Tears.

Tears?

A downpour of tears!

I can’t see her anymore!

I can only clutch this coat

And wish…

Wish with all my heart

That this is just a nightmare.

I’m still pregnant

I’m still dreaming

Smiling

Counting the days

The weeks

The months.

Two more days till I can hear the heartbeat.

Three more weeks and I’ll feel the baby kick.

Seven more months and she’ll be here!

I'm busy filling my nest

With baby things

Like this beautiful coat!

A coat she’ll never wear.

She has no need for coats in heaven.

But here on earth, we need coats.

Coats to keep us warm 

When our hearts are bitten with cold.

Coats to keep us dry 

When we are drowning in a fallen ocean of tears.

Coats to hang in the closet for another season

With  pockets to hide a hope in

That we reach into later,

And find a long forgotten smile there.

So soft and white

Her angel wings must be…

So soft and white,

Like this little coat.