Lovely Labels

My love affair with organization is no secret. Among the many clever little pet names my Mr. comes up with for me, "Basket lady" is one of them, because, as you can see, I LOVE to put things in little baskets. Like things together, so I never have to hunt around for the spare pieces, or if I'm searching for a can of beans, it will be with all the other canned vegetables. I just like things in order, it makes me happy. It saves me time, energy and frustration. My fascination with the art of organization is ever increasing. My latest obsession, labels.

I have always loved labels. It's an admiration I've had since my childhood, my mom was a label queen herself.  Her approach was very practical. Big bold black and white labels so people knew where to return things, and where to put them away. Labels on toy boxes, food storage, and my dresser drawers. 

It's no wonder labels touch my heart with the caress of nostalgia, and the comforts of childhood. Oh labels, beautiful labels.

They are magical! I mean, sure, my closet is tiny, and carries little more space than is actually pictured here...but one day when I live in my dream home and have a glorious master closet with a chandelier, full length dressing mirror, and is painted pink with a glorious rendition of Edmund Leighton's "The Accolade" these labels will be apart of that space, so in a sense it makes that space real, right now in my humble little apartment. 

It may be eccentric, I know, but oh the joy I glean from labels!

-DD

Is it a weed, or a wish?

Golden moment #47

Somewhere, deep below the ocean waves there is a submarine. Somewhere on that submarine is my husband.

The day he hugged our son goodbye, walked out the front door, and  waved to us as he drove away to board his boat, something terrible happened, I blew him a kiss. "That's not terrible! You may think, but I accidentally threw him more than a kiss on that breath, with that kiss all of my happy, inspiring, golden moments seemed to fly off. Laughter, perspective, and joy, all raced after that kiss  and threatened never to come back, until he did.

And I have been sad. Really, really, sad this patrol. More so than other patrols. I ran away to my parents house and haven't had the courage to step foot back into our quiet home again while he is gone. And I haven't written a golden moment, because my life sort of felt like lead. Sometimes life feels like that. Then, once again, something happened. Josh must have blown me a secret kiss back, from deep beneath the sea, and by some miraculous feat of triumph that kiss landed softly at the corner of my eye. But it wasn't just a kiss, perspective decided she'd been away from me long enough and caught a ride with that kiss from deep beneath the sea. I felt her presence at once when I looked down and saw a weed growing in the grass.

"Oh, but is it really just a weed?" Perspective coaxed.

"I think it's just a weed, look at those seeds on that old dandelion, soon the wind will blow carrying them all over filling yards and gardens with unwanted dandelions."

"Unwanted by who?" Perspective questioned.

"I don't know, the people who have to pull them up to keep their yards looking decent."

"So dandelions make yards look indecent?" Perspective asked.

"To some people, like me. Maybe not to Scotty, Scotty can't get enough of dandelions, especially when they go to seed like this one, he calls them "wish flowers.'" I smiled.

"How did your son learn to call a weed a "wish flower?" Perspective was curious.

"I told him they are wish flowers, when I was a girl, I'd pick the dandelions in this stage and blow off all the seeds, if you make a wish on the flower it will come true..."

I picked up the little flower and held it in my hand. Then took a deep breath and blew a wish. The wind scattered the flower like confetti and dropped the little parachute seeds back to the earth. I giggled and my heart felt a spark of childlike joy, they'd tagged along with perspective on her flight home. As I stared at the long empty stem in my hand it occurred to me they'd never really left. 

My wish flower

to see through

teary eyes

to sing

at deep blue skies

to loose myself 

in love

to find myself

in love

to stand on lonely ground

to stand amid a crowd

to clap my hands

to stomp my feet

to rage

to storm

to call retreat

a hug hello

a last goodbye

a boisterous laugh 

a heavy sigh

to blow a kiss

where it is sought

and have it reach 

where I can not

I take a breath

and all of this,

escapes my soul

on a flower wish.

Photo Copy right Heidi Nickerson

Golden moment 46

July 14th 2011

Today's golden moment is quiet.

I'm recovering from my gum graft, my son is with his Gommy, and it is quiet. And it is golden. That is all.

-DD

Golden moment 45, written for July 13

Yesterday's golden moment may surprise some of you, but my golden moment was a gum graft.
Anyone out there have anxiety about dental work? I know I do. In fact, I feel quite justified in my anxiety over dental work. I had eight years of braces, (With no breaks people, they were on my teeth for 8 years straight) I had two major jaw surgeries, the first one lasted 8 hours and I couldn't talk, or eat solid food for about three months afterwards. It involved a bone graft from my hip to my jaw, laughing after having a chunk of bone scraped from your hip is excruciating. I gave birth without any drugs, or medication to ease off the pain, and I can tell you the graft was FAR worse than anything I felt in labor. Like a knife stabbing me it hurt so bad. I was afraid to sleep at night because I couldn't breathe very well, I was so swollen. In fact, the swelling did not go down completely for a whole year. Though the bruising did end eventually. Then, after all that, my jaw actually re-opened. And my teeth went crooked again. Not as bad as before surgery, but I do not have perfect teeth. I could actually bite normally for a short time, but the over bite just opened itself up again, and the doctor said it was so rare he hardly ever mentions it. But it only seems to happen to women between the ages of 18 and 25 or something, some weird fluke where the body just wants to reverse the effects of the surgery. And that statistic happened to be me. The second was only a four hour procedure and I don't think it was nearly as bad as the first. I don't remember much about it. Oh, and after I finally got my braces off, and teeth implants in, guess what, I had 18 cavities. I don't think I need to convince you any more that I have some SERIOUS anxiety surrounding dental work. I have literally gone in to have my teeth cleaned only to start hyper-ventalating and having a panic attack.

So you can imagine some of the trepidation I felt surrounding the gum graft I had to have done yesterday. But let me tell you what I did. When I had the thought "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS GUM GRAFT DONE!" I actually decided to turn it around to "I want to have this gum graft done" and I found three truths in that. My truths were:

I want to take care of my teeth.
I love the office my periodontist works in, there are beautiful views of the forrest wetland outside her floor to ceiling windows
and
I really like my periodontist and look forward to visiting with her again.

As I walked into the office, or sat down in the chair and felt anxiety start to rise within me, I asked myself "Are you in pain? Are you safe? Is there really any danger here?" Every-time I had to answer, no to these questions and then I just told myself to relax.

At one point during the procedure my periodontist and her assistant were telling me a story that just made me laugh!  And I found myself marveling at the fact that despite having dental work done, I was happy enough to be laughing!

Whenever I felt my fists clench, my stomach tighten, or my lower back arch I asked myself the questions again, "Am I in pain? Is there really any danger here?" The answer always came up no, and once again I could relax.

The graft went beautifully, that hour was up before I knew it. When I went to get up, I had a drop in blood pressure and thought I would pass out, but my periodontist and her assistant were angelic as they put a cold lavender scented wash cloth on my forehead and slowly leaned my chair back for me. It took me a while to get my blood pressure high enough for me to get up without fainting but they were so sweet and let me take all the time I needed.

As I drove home I thought about the incredible blessing it was to have access to such good care, to be in such a comfortable setting, and to have such a kind periodontist who truly had a passion for her work.

That night, my periodontist called to check up on me. (I know, she is AMAZING!) And I told her that I was doing great, and that my gum graft that day had truly been one of the most enjoyable dental experiences I've ever had. In fact, I can honestly say it was a very nice afternoon.

My amazing mother in law has been kind enough to watch my toddler so I've had almost two full days to just rest and heal.

Discovering my power to just let go of such incredible anxiety astounded me. It was like cleaning up layers of clutter. The more you pick up the more you discover that there is something beautiful hidden beneath all the junk. It was like that with my thoughts, all I had to do was question the reality of my thought. "I'm anxious" really? Is that true, are you in PAIN right now? When I answered, honestly I could say "No" and then there was peace. Even if I had been in pain, I think it would have been okay. I would have gone from there, but I could deal with it without the stress, and fear factor.

Finding this within me, was incredible, it was so freeing and so peaceful. I learned so much from this experience. Everything was just wonderful. And that, was golden.

Golden Moments 41-44

My oh my how time does fly
how time does fly and grandma's house
We run, we play
We lounge all day
Oh yes we love our grandma's house

Golden moments are coming at me faster than I can hope to keep up here at my mom and dad's place. I am so happy to be home!

Saturday July 9, we made dinner over at my grandma and grandpa's house (Scotty's great grandma and grandpa's) and hung out in their beautiful "Secret Garden" while we ate a delicious summer salad, watermelon and home-made ice-cream. Golden moment 41.

Sunday July 10, I had a terrible cold and lounged around my mommy's house, eating her food and reading her amazing books which have shaken me to my very core and I will never think a thought the same way ever again. Golden moment 42.

Monday July 11, I spent the day, yes THE ENTIRE day helping my mom clean her garage, organize junk, and prep for a GARAGE SALE! YIPEEEEE!!!!!! Only if you know me can you appreciate how incredibly golden this was for me! I LOVE to host garage sales, I LOVE to de-clutter, and I love to make a buck doing it! Good day! Golden moment 43.

Tuesday July 12, My little sonny came into my room this morning and snuggled up in bed with me. I woke up to his sweet little voice saying "Ma-mas!" He is such a wonderful little boy! Golden moment 44.

I apologize for my lack of photos, I'm currently visiting my mom and dad, and neglected to bring my camera and my computer so I've been writing on my blog from their computer, and they don't really have any pictures I can use...I kind of decided to come visit last minute and honestly had no idea how long I'd stay so I packed light. I'm having such a good time I haven't wanted to leave...so who knows when I'll start loading pictures again!

Being home is so great. Good food. Dinner was made for me last night. Beautiful home, big back yard for my little monkey, best company, I even have a brother who plays with Scotty for hours! And my dad will watch Scott while mom and I go shopping, I mean, this is heaven people! And my sister is off galavanting her summer away as a youth camp counselor for our church having the time of her life so I even get to sleep in a super comfy bed! Happy as a clam! Yes I am!

What's your favorite thing about being home at your mom and dads?

-Domestic Diva

Golden moment #40 A beautiful thought.

Have you ever read a book, that from the opening page, the opening sentence, made you feel it was written for you? Have you ever had the experience that as each word echos in your mind you can feel changes happening in your life and the way you see the world? Have you ever longed to meet an author, simply so you could wrap your arms around them and say "Thank you. Thank you for the gift of your words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." That is how I feel about the book I found at my mom's house today. I am 50 pages into the text and find myself stunned at the brilliance and beauty of this book. The unpretentious, honest, loving words gifted to me through the pages. It is books like this that make me grateful for language at all, and the ability to communicate ideas, inspirations and insights.

I find myself reading certain passages over and over. Even a sentence. I would like to share with you once such sentence, that I simply can not stop thinking about.

"When people talk, they're finding their way toward what they really mean, and the best way to help them is to just listen."

It may not seem like a life changing sentence, but to me, it is.  I love people and I love conversation, but let me be honest, I love the sound of my own voice. I have always believed I have something special to share, I have a great insight, I have an inspiration just around the corner of my next thought. How many times have I listened to someone, while silently preparing my response, before they even finished their thought. How I have longed for their admiration, and gratitude for my advice and my insights. But when I read this sentence, I realized something so powerfully it has shaken me to my core, they already know it. The truth, the answers, the inspiration, is within them. And MY thoughts can never be theirs. The greatest gift I can give is not my thoughts, it is my attention. It is my patience, and my love. It is my faith that they can find the way to their own enlightenment.

I can't wait to keep reading, I just wanted to share this ah-hah moment! It was truly golden for me today. If you'd like to join me in reading a book that will very likely change the way you think a thought forever, check out "I need your love-is that true?" By Byron Katie.

-DD

Golden moment #39 A laugh, for July 7

Yesterday, my three year old walked into my bedroom as I was dressing. He caught me without my shirt on. Before I could say a word, he pointed wide eyed to my breasts and with a big smile exclaimed:

"Nursers! Babies drink ma-ma's nursers!"

I couldn't help but laugh and say "Yes, Scotty, those are mommy's 'nursers' and babies do drink from them, very good!"

My son has been weened weened himself about six months ago, and though he's never expressed interest or even memory of going back to nursing, he has observed his Aunt nursing her new baby. Every time she nurses with him around I explain to him that babies get milk from their mommy's breast, and it's called nursing. When he was a baby, he nursed too. That is how he got his food. Now he is a big boy, and he can eat all sorts of things his baby cousin can't eat. He can drink chocolate milk, and eat apples and carrots and cheese!

He's taken this all in with silence, so to hear him put it all together yesterday caught me by surprise and delighted me! What a sweet golden moment.

-DD